You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
