just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
