I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
