am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
