I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize