Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
