he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
