So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
