You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
