Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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