I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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