I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
