I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
