Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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