i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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