I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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