If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
