I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
