Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
