My sheets look like a crime scene.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
