Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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