Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
