so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
