he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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