im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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