What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
