you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize