We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
