1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
