You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
