Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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