So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
