Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
