"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
