He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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