I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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