Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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