i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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