Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
