She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
