ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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