I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
