Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
