brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
