you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
