My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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