He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
