Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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