According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He has the fingertips of a God
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