Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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