do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
