You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
