I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize