Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
