Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
