And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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