Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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