The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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