my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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