I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
