I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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