You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize