Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
