...so i touched it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize