Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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