they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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