is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
