Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
