lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
