I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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