You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
