I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
