just tell him i said nine months
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
