I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize