Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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