hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
