it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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