Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
