My Higher Power is John Stamos
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
