I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
