we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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